Physician, heal thyself.
02/02/10 15:15
In a helping profession, whether it is psychology, counseling, or consulting, an implicit assumption is made that the professional has, to a significant degree, handled certain issues in their lives and that this makes them capable of helping others. (Would you pay a big fee for fitness training from a morbidly obese personal trainer who smokes outside the gym between clients?)
I am a psychologist by training. I once worked with a number of psychologists in a mental health setting. There was one I would never ask the social question, “How are you?” If I did, he would actually answer the question, in great detail. I was always left thinking, “You actually work here? Have you considered checking in for a while?” But this was a setting for seriously ill people and I presumed that at least my colleague wasn’t hearing voices, although there were days I wasn’t so sure.
People in organizational development also need to walk the talk. Some years ago I heard about someone who has become quite famous and wealthy writing, consulting, and speaking about the creation of corporate culture. It turns out that his own company was such a miserable place to work that people who quit working for him had actually formed a club, giving them the opportunity to get together and tell horror stories about the time they spent working for this supposed cultural guru.
Which leads me to emotional intelligence. In my books about EQ, I’ve written about the influence of early life experience in the unfolding of EQ. For years, I struggled with social connectivity. I loved to stand up in front of 30 to 100 people and give a speech. But for a long time if someone approached me afterwards for a one-on-one conversation, I reverted to that awkward 14-year-old I used to be who didn’t feel comfortable in social situations.
In my early adult years, this shyness was a significant handicap. I can remember going into dances, walking around the entire circumference of the room, and walking right back out the door.
Then about 25 years ago, I took one of the assessment instruments designed for use in the workplace. I expected to come out an extreme introvert. Introversion/extraversion has a heavy genetic loading and I thought I was cursed with introversion. Instead, I came out very highly extraverted. It suddenly struck me that I wasn’t an introvert after all…maybe I was a shy extravert! I didn’t want to avoid people. I just needed to learn more about how to become comfortable and outgoing in social situations.
This new awareness, or more accurately put, relabeling of myself, was to lead to significant changes in my comfort with social situations. I’ve made a great deal of progress in this area but it hasn’t come easily but I can now go to business networking events and have a good time talking with people I’ve never met before, something I once thought was inconceivable for me.
In learning to deal with this specific issue, I have discovered some principles I’ve applied in other areas of my life and in my work with people who are getting struggling with their own growth. One thing I have learned…Until I understood and could see more clearly what was holding me back, I couldn’t deal with it. That is probably why self-awareness is so prominent in every model of emotional intelligence I have yet encountered. More next time.
I am a psychologist by training. I once worked with a number of psychologists in a mental health setting. There was one I would never ask the social question, “How are you?” If I did, he would actually answer the question, in great detail. I was always left thinking, “You actually work here? Have you considered checking in for a while?” But this was a setting for seriously ill people and I presumed that at least my colleague wasn’t hearing voices, although there were days I wasn’t so sure.
People in organizational development also need to walk the talk. Some years ago I heard about someone who has become quite famous and wealthy writing, consulting, and speaking about the creation of corporate culture. It turns out that his own company was such a miserable place to work that people who quit working for him had actually formed a club, giving them the opportunity to get together and tell horror stories about the time they spent working for this supposed cultural guru.
Which leads me to emotional intelligence. In my books about EQ, I’ve written about the influence of early life experience in the unfolding of EQ. For years, I struggled with social connectivity. I loved to stand up in front of 30 to 100 people and give a speech. But for a long time if someone approached me afterwards for a one-on-one conversation, I reverted to that awkward 14-year-old I used to be who didn’t feel comfortable in social situations.
In my early adult years, this shyness was a significant handicap. I can remember going into dances, walking around the entire circumference of the room, and walking right back out the door.
Then about 25 years ago, I took one of the assessment instruments designed for use in the workplace. I expected to come out an extreme introvert. Introversion/extraversion has a heavy genetic loading and I thought I was cursed with introversion. Instead, I came out very highly extraverted. It suddenly struck me that I wasn’t an introvert after all…maybe I was a shy extravert! I didn’t want to avoid people. I just needed to learn more about how to become comfortable and outgoing in social situations.
This new awareness, or more accurately put, relabeling of myself, was to lead to significant changes in my comfort with social situations. I’ve made a great deal of progress in this area but it hasn’t come easily but I can now go to business networking events and have a good time talking with people I’ve never met before, something I once thought was inconceivable for me.
In learning to deal with this specific issue, I have discovered some principles I’ve applied in other areas of my life and in my work with people who are getting struggling with their own growth. One thing I have learned…Until I understood and could see more clearly what was holding me back, I couldn’t deal with it. That is probably why self-awareness is so prominent in every model of emotional intelligence I have yet encountered. More next time.