http://www.bobwallonline.com/index.htmlHot News!enbob@bobwallonline.comCopyright 2010 Bob Wall2010-02-23T10:53:00-05:00 hourly 1 2000-01-01T12:00+00:00 Tue, 23 Feb 2010 10:53:17 -0500bob@bobwallonline.comNone2010-02-23T10:53:00-05:00http://www.bobwallonline.com/page26/files/9a2f4d360f947c1affab3a0169f8a01d-5.html#unique-entry-id-5http://www.bobwallonline.com/page26/files/9a2f4d360f947c1affab3a0169f8a01d-5.html#unique-entry-id-5Are you considering involvement with equine-facilitated learning (EFL)? If so, you may be viewing EFL with uncertainty or even skepticism. This is understandable, especially if, like myself, you have not had much exposure to horses and the people who have devoted their lives to working with them.

I am writing this to offer the perspective of someone who, until about eighteen months ago, had never heard about the work being done through EFL. I have 30 years of experience in leadership and organizational development. I am a clinical psychologist by training and I worked as a clinician and as a staff development specialist in a residential mental health setting for six years before moving on to create a career in consulting. When I was first asked to do some collaborate with Linda Kohanov, one of the leaders in EFL, my initial reaction was probably typical of those unfamiliar with this discipline. Yet my experience has convinced me that EFL offers a unique setting for human development that has a wide range of applications, from leadership and team development, mental health services, to workshops designed to enable people to grow and enhance the quality of their lives.

I would like to share some observations with you about EFL. They involve aspects of EFL that I have come to appreciate in my exposure to it so far:

The unique sensitivity of horses.
Evolving over the millennia as prey animal in the wild, the horse’s very survival depended on developing an exquisite sensitivity to danger and to the intentions of other animals near the herd. This has resulted in the development of a fascinating relationship with human beings that creates the opportunity for human development. Horses work only out of a relationship with human beings. You cannot order a horse around. You must first establish a collaborative relationship with it. They are highly sensitive to incongruent states of feelings and behaviors. You cannot work with a horse effectively if you are sitting on unexpressed and suppressed feelings. It makes horses very uncertain to see this in people working with them. In addition, you cannot work with a horse without very clearly communicating what you want the horse to do.

This unique sensitivity in “reading” human beings makes them valuable collaborators in human development. Given their sensitivity to incongruity and mixed messages, our feelings and behaviors must be in alignment. In addition, we need to relate to the horse when asking her to do something for us. The need for us to relate to them in clear, congruent ways provides immediate feedback that can be used by the therapist or human development specialist in working with clients. The horse provides feedback regarding clarity of intent and emotional congruity that is not available as quickly or as obviously working in any other way. If we don’t provide what the horse needs, the horse will not cooperate.

Highly trained horses.
Not every horse is suited to ELF. I know of one leader in the field who buys horses under the provisional condition that the horse will choose to work with us in the setting. If a horse doesn’t seem to choose this kind of work, she returns them to the seller. Some horses, she said, prefer to relate to one person. Others may not have the temperament for this kind of work.

Once chosen, horses get a great deal of training before they are allowed into an arena to work with us. Many people who interact with these horses will not have much experience in riding or working with them. Careful selection and training assures you that the horses you work with know what they are doing and that safety factors will not be an issue, provided you follow all instructions from your ELF facilitator.

Highly trained facilitators.
As important as the horse is in the work, we cannot leave out the ELF facilitator. Most of those I’ve met have been dealing with horses most of their lives, learning how to care for them, refine their horsemanship, and learning how to develop the relationship that the horse asks of us in exchange for cooperation. In addition to mastering horsemanship, ELF facilitators spend years and a good deal of money getting the training they need to be certified in this field. Moreover, as a group, these facilitators are more dedicated to continually improving their skills and are constantly talking about the next workshop they are about to attend. I can only wish that many of the leaders I work with in other settings had the same dedication to continuous improvement.

When you work with an ELF facilitator, you are getting a deeply experience horseman. But you need to remember that they have also invested years acquiring and constantly honing the skills required to do ELF. They don’t get to do it unless they are fully committed to investing their time, energy, and resources in earning the right to hold claim to this profession. They are not simply owners of horses who decided to do some workshops to buy extra feed. They are highly polished professionals and will be happy to share their credentials and review their professional training with you.

The setting.
Most people are attracted to horses yet the barn, the equipment, the smells…in short, everything associated with working with horses is new to the average participant. There is no previous learning to fall back on. Nothing is familiar. And you will be working with a very large animal that expects you to work with him in specific ways to earn our cooperation.

I’ve come to think that this throws people off in interesting ways and provides information regarding how they deal with stress, change, and uncertainty in the rest of their lives. Human beings are, by and large, consistent across different settings. How we behave in the arena provides insight into how we behave in other settings, providing therapists and human development specialists with a platform for conversation as well as the opportunity to design exercises intended to provide information and lessons to the participants involved.

Applications of EFL.
EFL can be brought to bear to address a variety of developmental topics, ranging from leadership and team development, human development, psychotherapy, coping with psychological and physical challenges, and others. If you are considering involvement with EFL, spend some time with the facilitator. Ask about their professional training and the theoretical approaches they bring to their work. Feel free to address any issues or questions that might come up for you, especially those related to doubt or skepticism about this kind of work. Your facilitator will be happy to provide you with information that will help you understand their work and answer any questions that will help you make an informed decision.


]]>bob@bobwallonline.comNone2010-02-07T12:18:04-05:00http://www.bobwallonline.com/page26/files/0fd000b9ced80a48eff4ee4dfef9f477-2.html#unique-entry-id-2http://www.bobwallonline.com/page26/files/0fd000b9ced80a48eff4ee4dfef9f477-2.html#unique-entry-id-2I’ve spent much of my life without thinking about it very much. Having feelings, certainly, but being swept up in them as if they have a life of their own and that I had little choice but to go along for the ride. For me, that meant episodes of depression and living with the constant feeling that I just didn’t fit in anywhere like I thought everyone else managed to do so naturally.

I’m writing this post from Brussels. Like many Americans, I haven’t traveled much outside the US. Yesterday I woke up with mind and body out of sync from jet lag. I am staying in a place that is a 20-minute ride on the Metro into downtown Brussels. As I was walking to the Metro station, I started becoming aware of deep uneasiness. At first I dismissed my feelings as an adjustment to the time difference.

But as I sat with my experience, I realized that I was feeling loneliness and a great deal of free-floating anxiety. I was very anxious about something but I wasn’t quite sure about what. I approached a couple of people to ask how the subway ticketing system worked and which train I wanted to get on. Even though they were very helpful, I was very uncomfortable about having to ask.

As I rode the train into downtown Brussels, the anxiety continued to build. Here I am, finally starting to have this great adventure I had been looking forward to since booking the trip and I am about to jump out of my skin. When I got off the train, I sat down on a bench at the station to spend a few minutes to reflect and figure out what was going on.

Self-awareness is the first step in developing and deploying emotional intelligence in your life. The beauty of developing the habit of scanning your self-awareness is that you’ll find the answers you are looking for but only if you take time to look within yourself to discover what is there.

The loneliness was easy to understand. I missed my wife. Given I have worked out of our home for so many years, we spend a great deal of time together and being without her for a week is like suddenly being disconnected from an important part of my Self.

But the anxiety and dis-ease took a little more digging. This was an all too familiar feeling. Like a lot of us, I grew up with a sense of not belonging, of somehow not being acceptable. Early in life, I started trying not to draw attention to myself or be in anyway “uncool.” I am of the opinion that we learn some lessons early in life that stay with us forever…they can be managed if we pay attention to them but they remain in the back of our consciousness nonetheless, like a miniature evil twin sitting on your shoulder, whispering into your ear.

So there I was in completely foreign territory. Most of the signage is in Flemish or French. It was dark and foggy. I didn’t have a clue where I wanted to go and I didn’t want to look like a fool by having ask for suggestions. Far be it from me to ever look like I am anything but less than totally in control at all times.

Even as I write these words, I can see the harshness of the self-criticism that, objectively, is totally unwarranted. Tourists ask for help all the time…talking with people is part of the adventure of travel. But given my early programming, the need to acknowledge I didn’t have a clue and that I needed to ask strangers for directions and suggestions had put me into an overload of anxiety. Had I not taken a few moments to scan my body and my feelings to learn what was there, I would have had a very different evening.

I recalled a mental device from my skydiving days in the 1970’s. Unless you are a fool, you are going to feel something akin to terror crawling out on the strut of a Cessna at 2500 feet and letting go. But the adrenaline rush was so intoxicating that I kept coming back for more, even though I’d wake up on jump days with fear gnawing my insides.

After about 15 or 20 jumps, I began to realize that the physiological states of fear and excitement are amazingly similar. On the way to the drop zone, I started to experiment with relabeling my feelings as excitement, certainly with a bit of fear mixed in, but excitement nonetheless. Eventually, the fear disappeared altogether. Free fall was the most exciting thing I’d ever experienced and I wanted more of it.

I reminded myself that exploring a new city in Europe is yet another occasion for excitement. Anything akin to anxiety was only going to ruin my night. Once I understood what I was feeling, the anxiety started to dissipate. I started approaching people for directions and soon found myself surrounded by beautiful architecture, wonderful stores to browse, and enough Belgium chocolate to satisfy even chocolate addict like myself.

I am having a great time.


]]>bob@bobwallonline.comBlog2010-02-02T15:15:20-05:00http://www.bobwallonline.com/page26/files/64c2c96a3aa6a62006db2112b782c245-1.html#unique-entry-id-1http://www.bobwallonline.com/page26/files/64c2c96a3aa6a62006db2112b782c245-1.html#unique-entry-id-1In a helping profession, whether it is psychology, counseling, or consulting, an implicit assumption is made that the professional has, to a significant degree, handled certain issues in their lives and that this makes them capable of helping others. (Would you pay a big fee for fitness training from a morbidly obese personal trainer who smokes outside the gym between clients?)

I am a psychologist by training. I once worked with a number of psychologists in a mental health setting. There was one I would never ask the social question, “How are you?” If I did, he would actually answer the question, in great detail. I was always left thinking, “You actually work here? Have you considered checking in for a while?” But this was a setting for seriously ill people and I presumed that at least my colleague wasn’t hearing voices, although there were days I wasn’t so sure.

People in organizational development also need to walk the talk. Some years ago I heard about someone who has become quite famous and wealthy writing, consulting, and speaking about the creation of corporate culture. It turns out that his own company was such a miserable place to work that people who quit working for him had actually formed a club, giving them the opportunity to get together and tell horror stories about the time they spent working for this supposed cultural guru.

Which leads me to emotional intelligence. In my books about EQ, I’ve written about the influence of early life experience in the unfolding of EQ. For years, I struggled with social connectivity. I loved to stand up in front of 30 to 100 people and give a speech. But for a long time if someone approached me afterwards for a one-on-one conversation, I reverted to that awkward 14-year-old I used to be who didn’t feel comfortable in social situations.

In my early adult years, this shyness was a significant handicap. I can remember going into dances, walking around the entire circumference of the room, and walking right back out the door.

Then about 25 years ago, I took one of the assessment instruments designed for use in the workplace. I expected to come out an extreme introvert. Introversion/extraversion has a heavy genetic loading and I thought I was cursed with introversion. Instead, I came out very highly extraverted. It suddenly struck me that I wasn’t an introvert after all…maybe I was a shy extravert! I didn’t want to avoid people. I just needed to learn more about how to become comfortable and outgoing in social situations.

This new awareness, or more accurately put, relabeling of myself, was to lead to significant changes in my comfort with social situations. I’ve made a great deal of progress in this area but it hasn’t come easily but I can now go to business networking events and have a good time talking with people I’ve never met before, something I once thought was inconceivable for me.

In learning to deal with this specific issue, I have discovered some principles I’ve applied in other areas of my life and in my work with people who are getting struggling with their own growth. One thing I have learned…Until I understood and could see more clearly what was holding me back, I couldn’t deal with it. That is probably why self-awareness is so prominent in every model of emotional intelligence I have yet encountered. More next time.

]]>bob@bobwallonline.comBlog2010-01-28T13:57:48-05:00http://www.bobwallonline.com/page26/files/5841874a18fb3101e29ca6a80bed1d50-0.html#unique-entry-id-0http://www.bobwallonline.com/page26/files/5841874a18fb3101e29ca6a80bed1d50-0.html#unique-entry-id-0Some years ago on a Sunday morning, the Peanuts comic strip was especially memorable. Lucy said to Charlie Brown, “Charlie, Don’t you wish you go back and do everything over, knowing what you know now?” For several frames, Charlie’s brow is furrowed as he thinks about Lucy’s question. Finally he responds, “But what do I know now?”

My mother got thyroid cancer when I was about 12 years old. I can remember thinking that I was glad she was a grownup and would take the whole thing in stride. At the time, I couldn’t even imagine that adults could experience fear. I thought that when I grew up, I’d never experience feelings like self-doubt, fear, uncertainty, or struggle with self-worth. I thought adults had life all figured out.

Now I find myself asking Charlie’s question: But what do I know now?

For about 20 years, my consulting and training has focused on emotional intelligence. I’ve written a couple of books with EQ, as emotional intelligence is often referred to, as the focus. I haven’t written a book for a while and I keep having these nagging thoughts about another book within me that wants to be written…but it hasn’t revealed itself to me yet so I not exactly sure what I am to write about.

I am starting this blog to put some thoughts down in writing. I have no illusions about drawing a large body of readers. But I do know this…if I write as if someone will read these words, I’ll write with greater discipline. I’ll also discover how comfortable I might be with the book that I think is waiting to be written. Because I think I need to write about my own struggles with becoming, sometimes in ways that still surprise and dismay me.

The development of EQ begins with self-awareness. One of our greatest challenges is to see ourselves as others see us. Perhaps an even greater challenge is to become aware of a body of feelings, thoughts, beliefs, unquestioned assumptions, and life lessons that influence our choices and behaviors each and every day, usually in ways that we aren’t even aware of what is influencing us at the time.

I think the book that wants to be written is about the never ending process of self-discovery that life becomes if we pay attention to it. I am often amazed at a sudden flash of insight that comes when I discover how some early life lesson or unquestioned assumption has been influencing the person I am and the choices I’ve been making all these years. If I had only been more self-aware, I might well have made different choices and influenced the unfolding of my life’s journey in ways that will now forever remain unknown to me.

So what do I know now?

Given I make my living helping people develop new insights and expand their own self-awareness, how comfortable will I be writing about the demons and self-doubts that plague me yet today…all issues I thought I’d have figured out by now? How willing will I be to drop the cloak of competence and enter into my personal work with EQ, knowing full well that my clients will know that this is an ongoing journey of self-discovery for me, just as it is for them?

So I embark on this with the same question that I have every time I’ve started a book…Will anyone ever read this? But for my purposes, the answer to that question is less important than the act of sitting down to write to see if I have another book in me or not.

A request: I am new to blogging and don’t know much about syndicating blogs, setting up RapidWeaver preferences so people can respond to me, and some of the other things my preference settings refer to, such as Echo and JS-KIT. If you can help school me on blogging, I’ve love to have a phone conversation with you. ]]>